Tuesday, February 28, 2006
reflections
1. places where pleura or peritoneum fold, thus making my life extremely difficult.
2. something that shiny smooth surfaces produce (my physics sucks, and the explanation is too ley chey for hurried and irritated me right now).
3. nice deep thoughts.
so. nice deep thought number one: i get very cranky under pressure. and i am very seldom under pressure.
deep thought number two: i should be a nicer person. but i'm not.
deep thought number three: sometimes i beat myself up over very small things-- practically insignificant-- when there's a whole wide world out there, waiting.
deep thought number four: i very seldom regret anything. because it's all good-- the parts that were good, and the parts that were bad-- even though most of the time i whine and sulk about being a horrible, nasty person, and chastise myself constantly for being a moron/ an idiot/ proud/ irritating/ whatever (and i am, sometimes, most o the time), well:
"more than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame..."
--romans 5:3-5
life's too fast for regrets. it's too fast for anything except a wing and a prayer.
deep thought number five: i am deeply skeptical of belief. the whole concept of blind trust without the pressures of justification and logic stinks to me of a primitive, animal sort of dumbness. yet the few things humans regularly kill, lie, steal, and die for are all based on some sort of blind belief.
religion, for one-- yes, i am an apostate believer. i call it healthy doubt-- and if you can't understand how that works, i pity you. white and black are the two most dangerous colours in the world.
money is another (never get an econs major to explain the concept to you. what gold standard? where's the damn gold? sorry flo, it's not your fault, you clever honours economist you. haha).
but the worst of this whole lot, the most terribly destructive by far, is love. it's irrational. it's unquantifiable. it's disgustingly-base and terrifyingly-epheremal. it's a celebration of our id, the total antithesis of all the higher functions that (we like to think) define humanity. and yet without it-- chmph. i can't even imagine.
deep thought number six! (most important): sometimes all of the above, all of these nasty things in the big wide world, makes me very very thankful for my bestest friend. who can always yell, coax, bribe, blackmail, or wheedle me out of a bad mood. thank you, bestest friend. i am extremely glad we made up. -hugs-
now, my bestest friend. since i know you love to read blogs and not study-- GO STUDY! i should be studying too. haha. take care, girl. i'll see you after the exams are over and yes we can go eat spizza (even though i think it's a big fat waste of money) but i shall insist on having a bacardi with you after. for old times' sake.
haha, we sound old. yucks. and what a girly drink.
+ fictions&fires
3:40 PM
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plangere, latin: to strike, or to lament.
in the depth of winter i finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.
--albert camus
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to be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best night and day to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle any human being can fight and never stop fighting.
-- ee cummings
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