magnificently unprepared/for the long littleness of life.

Monday, January 02, 2006
a very long request.

dear Lord:

please
get me into shit just deep enough for me to have fun in
but not so deep that i can't get myself out of it.
provide me with the wit to save my skin
and the maturity to not do damn-fool things to begin with.

help me
to keep on dreaming
to remember that everyone has their own story to tell
and to love and give unconditionally to those who want it
and especially to those who don't.

give me
the strength to get through the hard times
and the humility to know that You've provided the good.

the courage to do what's right
for the right reasons
and admit when i'm wrong.

the guts to defy "common wisdom"
the hardheadedness to do what everyone else says is impossible
the intelligence to know when it really can't be done
and a well-developed sense of black humour to appreciate it when things go horribly wrong despite my best efforts.

the patience to see what i can do to the end.

the wisdom to know what i don't
the serenity to deal with it
and the brains to figure out what's important and what isn't what is.

the ability to laugh at myself.
(that way i wont mind if you don't give me)

a better bullshit detector
so i can tell when my friends are pulling my leg
and not end up making a big fool of myself as usual.

self-knowledge to figure out what's wrong with me
the means to fix it
and the inner peace to accept the demons i can't put down.

enough innocence to enjoy the simple things in life
the ability to trust again; and just to balance things out,
some cynicism-- always good to have. just like

good friends. i can never have enough of those.
decent enemies. everyone has them, might as well have the best kind there is.
love. all kinds, old and new.
the bad times, so i'll remember to count my blessings always.

thanks for all the good bits. there were lots:

screamingly-fun and adrenaline-pumping highs
quiet moments with good friends
awesome parties
trips overseas with family, bestfriend, and exclasses.

the blazing sunrises, the cool nights and all the beautiful things inbetween.
drowsy midafternoons and cricket song.
clouds.
the rain.
sun on my skin after lecture.

the comfort of a warm hug.
knowing that i'm loved no matter what.

getting me into medicine
despite my grades, tendency to bullshit,
grumpiness, healthy disrespect for authority,
impatience, zero eq
and general overall incompetence as a human being.

thanks for the bad ones too:
the sleepless nights.
indecision, uincertainty, and self-doubt
all breeds of sinking-feelings and quiet (or not-so-silent) tears
and the knowledge that some things-- just aren't.

thanks for 2005. it was a good ride. some stretches were really hard, but i grew up so much because of them.

i'd like to say i'm sadder but wiser; but i'm not. i'm happier, and still as shit-brainless as ever. but there's one thing i do know; 2006 will be even better than 05.

+ fictions&fires 10:35 PM

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