magnificently unprepared/for the long littleness of life.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

my dad got into an accident this morning after fetching me to school.

the car's busted, but at least he's alright. thanks to the fact that he always wears a seatbelt, and drives near enough to the speed limit (70-ish km/h); its more to prevent insurance claims from being decided in the other party's favour than for safety's sake (or so he says) but at least he's not injured.

of course, of course, it had to be a taxi that tried to cut into his lane (and he was on a major road.. right behind a big fat lorry.) so the taxi smashed into the passenger side, and the two cars rammed into the back of the truck and ended up creating a whole pile of paperwork and keeping three sets of lawyers happy for at least a week. stupid bloody taxis and their damn impatience and roadbully behaviour. having a relative who used to be a cab driver, i know about all the hours and effort they put in to earn that 20 bucks a day to bring home to their families. but it still doesn't give them the right to drive like they've got a pregnant woman delivering in the backseat or rushing to put out a fire at the istana.

well at least a temporary thawing in relations between my dad and i is underway. at least we're talking now, which at least is an improvement from the whole stonewall treatment we've been giving each other for the past 2 weeks or so.

i don't know what i'd do if my dad died. i guess it's horrible of me to say this, but i'm more afraid of it not hurting than i am of feeling his loss. i know i can deal with the pain; it's the fact that i might potentially be a hardhearted, unfilial child who doesn't even feel a thing when her dad passes away that worries me infinitely more. i know he's a good father, and he did his best to provide for the two of us. but ultimately most, if not all the childhood memories i have of my family are mostly just of my mum and i. flying over to see your dad for half a month every 3 months for the first 6 years of your life just doesn't hold a candle to having a real live father around the house. and i'm honestly not that emotionally attached to him at all. of course he does teach me all the useful skills a guy needs to know, like how to match ties with shirts, take apart and reassemble a manual watch, polish shoes, fix a toilet bowl, box, catch pigeons, and take care of animals; and he taught me how to drink beer when i was 16 =) my dad's an awesome guy. but a lot of times we fight like crazy, and i always end up telling him that obviously whatever happened to me didn't really have an influence on him-- i mean, how many children can actually say their father didn't know at all what they were studying in jc-- which is sad, but true. i guess we are fond of each other, he's got a sort of dutiful affection towards me, and on our good days it evolves into a kind of friendship. but i think that's about it. i don't want to think that i'm a daughter who won't cry at his bedside.

augh. long pms-y digressions. i'm just happy my dad's safe and sound. sorry to waste your time like this.

i'm very glad that i'm finally over the weirdest phase of my life. thinking back to that period of time makes me wonder what the hell i was thinking. i'm damn lucky i actually passed my a's when i think about the amount of time i actually spent studying during my study break. but i still wouldn't change a thing i did or a word i said, because at that time i really believed it would all work out; and i think ultimately all the crap i went through made me a better person. just that now i'm neither starry-eyed nor diehard-cynical-- just healthily-skeptical. =)

(and it was tonight that she found
her first kiss, stolen
beneath the unsympathetic
pullup bars, the damp ridges
gouged by boredom and nature
suddenly conspiring to a
perfect fit under fingertips)

+ fictions&fires 9:29 PM

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