Monday, October 10, 2005
im sorry, we're going to have to amputate
random morning today. was supposed to go to church with i but abandoned her yet again. muahaha. i am an incorrigible pagan. so i sat at home and oozed beside the pool and reread donna tartt (who is wonderful at making one feel terribly stupid. greek is a lovely language; pity the noun cases are so inflective, its damn hard to pick up.) saturday was relaxing. was supposed to go watch the observatory play at pacific plaza (i think) but went to pool instead. heh heh. sorry m. oh that reminds me: got an offer from him to cohost unpopular radio (haha! deathcab for cutie extravanganza methinks!) but that pervert isnt going to let me host it at my house. no way am i traveling over to his place to do it. haha sorry m. anyway unpopular radio plays such nice things! go listen! q and not u is wonderfully danceable and perfect for my patented cardiospaz(tm) which involves twitching around my room and grinning like a madman. the flaming lips cover of seven nation army made me want to cry. best thing ever.
sufjaaaaan stevens! i heart you so much. yes, i will make some illinoise. and death from above 1979 is so growly and dirty and breathtakingly crazy on the drums they set the heart apitterpatter. nothing like distorted angry riffs and clever lyrics about marital bliss to make the little sloth aflush with misplaced emotion.
going to pooooool tonight again. came very close to clearing table last time on my buddygirl. and with the house cue! booyah! queen of the 8 foot. that damn table is almost twice as long as i am tall. but whatever.
ventolin is helping with the strange chest spasms ive been having. Wise Mother surmises a dust and stress trigger. "6 years before you can give me a valid opinion okay! in the meantime better go take your ventolin. nah. nah." okay, so my room looks like ten pigsties (though i wish it was that big) but the workload honestly isn't that great. not worse than ac j2 anyway.
'Our own selves make us most unhappy, and that’s why we’re so anxious to lose them, don’t you think? Remember the Erinyes?'
'The Furies,' said Bunny, his eyes dazzled and lost beneath the bang of hair.
'Exactly. And how did they drive people mad? They turned up the volume of the inner monologue, magnified qualities already present to great excess, made people so much themselves that they couldn't stand it.'
--donna tartt, the secret history
Tisiophone, Alekto, and Megaira dire: deep in a cavern merged, involved in night, near where Styx flows impervious to sight. To mankind’s impious counsels ever nigh, fateful, and fierce to punish these you fly. Revenge and sorrows dire to you belong, hid in a savage vest, severe and strong. Terrific virgins, who for ever dwell, endued with various forms, in deepest hell; aerial, and unseen by human kind, and swiftly coursing, rapid as the mind. In vain the sun with winged effulgence bright, in vain the moon far darting milder light, wisdom and virtue may attempt in vain, and pleasing art, our transport to obtain; unless with these you readily conspire, and far avert your all-destructive ire.
- Orphic Hymn 69 to the Erinyes
shit. the erinyes kind of sound like my mother man. haha. except for the virgin bit. destruction hid in a savage vest, power suit and sensible clarks shoes. wielding a furla briefcase and eu yan sang postmenopausal pills.
a note to self: internal monologues are bad. why the hell are you thinking about things before you do them? you never have. just soak in the bubble bath of bliss and ignore its slowly-peeling label that is beginning to reveal the skull and crossbones of IGNORANCE. the acidic bath foam of stupidity. i am reminded of the little poster e gave me: i dont meet the competition. i crush it. hahaha. yes i am getting fat enough to crush anything, competition included.
drumming lessons are very erratic now that i'm beginning to panic about schoolwork.
me: shit la im damn stressed about school. i have 7 tutorials tomorrow and i literally have no clue at all. how. die la
j: youre just not used to the concept of studying
hey excuse me. i studied just fine in jc okay. just never saw the point of learning about lightbulbs and opamps when all i wanted to do was poke around in other peoples bodies. now that im actually on that particular career path its quite frightening to realise that hey, all this stuff might actually come in useful at some point in my career. i dont want to get sued for malpractice.
i am very tempted to uninstall dota. its wreaking havoc on my sleep patterns.
+ fictions&fires
1:18 AM
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plangere, latin: to strike, or to lament.
in the depth of winter i finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.
--albert camus
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to be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best night and day to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle any human being can fight and never stop fighting.
-- ee cummings
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