magnificently unprepared/for the long littleness of life.

Friday, October 14, 2005
18 going on extinct

today i was listening to bbc in the car and heard a news update from pakistan. the correspondent was reporting from an army hospital in kandahar, and behind his words i could hear a child crying and crying. the reporter said the little boy had a terrible gangrenous arm ("streaked with green and yellow") and when the doctors tried to clean it, the boy screamed and screamed, and after a while started sobbing terribly, these huge heaving sobs that wouldnt stop, and murmuring "mama" over and over again in these broken tones.. i totally froze. those sounds coming from the radio.. no child should ever have to suffer like that. im never going to spawn, but the sound of that kid crying made me sick to my stomach. i felt like holding that boy and ruffling his hair and telling him everything would be better.. and i know that for every boy like that there are tens more who are dead, or paralysed, or dying on the way to those awful hospitals. and even if that boy keeps his arm, hes probably lost his home, his school, possibly his friends, and most probably his family. and worst of all, hes lost his innocence. how many children are like that little boy now, all over the world? and the worst thing is, its not just about earthquakes, or tsunamis, or hurricanes. child abuse. poverty. life is unfair. and thats just the children. sigh. sometimes life can be so depressing if you choose to focus on it. the grim reaper mows indiscriminately and mercilessly.

havent gotten round to porting over the posts from my old blog. somehow i think ive changed from who i used to be. i know it sounds ridiculously-obvious (the only constant is change, blah blah) but whenever i read my old posts im always very surprised at who ive become. less opaque, certainly, a bit more dumbed-down and mass-market (sellout! the inner punk screameth) but definitely happier. maybe its better this way; the conscious freedom from who i used to be, the liberty to constantly reinvent myself. this time last year i was practically pathologically-crazy over someone and steadily denying the existence of the A Levels colossus steaming toward me in progressively-louder and shriller tones.

now im completely, totally over it, and still pretending that november 29th will never come. some things never change.

had lunch with d today at spinelli's (unfortunately y couldnt make it). i really miss her now. theres noone like her in med; in fact theres really noone like her at all anywhere. lectures in ac wouldnt have been one-tenth as tolerable without her and y. miss you d! chin up in pharm! i know life sucks but hey, it only gets worse! might as well enjoy life now before you drown in work!

(fatalistic sense of humour: check.)

my mep juniors spotted me at buona vista and ah! baccalaureate service was today! they all look so stressed-out and sleep-deprived and just a tad emotional-- i used up the last of my tissues talking to them about ac.

just happened to overhear a fragment of Villa Wellness while typing this post. the contestant who got booted out this week is telling the camera how much she treasures the fact that villa wellness has taught her to love her body. sigh. why cant fat people like who they are? liking yourself doesnt mean you stop trying to lose weight. it just means youre normal, and dont have stupid body image issues. bah. ive seen enough acquaintances turn anorexic because they were teased as kids about being plump to HATE it when someone tries to tell anyone around me that an aesthetically-pleasing figure means having a waist circumference comparable to that of a dachshund and gazongas that look like the iraqis decided to hide their missiles from dubya in your bra.

wow, im full of vitriol today. nasty nasty. maybe its got something to do with the fact that my ex classmates told me the other day that my face has gotten slightly fatter. haha.

+ fictions&fires 11:55 AM

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